Losing Yourself After Becoming a Mom: How Therapy Can Help in Northern Colorado
Becoming a mom is one of the most transformative experiences a woman can have. It brings joy, purpose, love… and often, an unexpected loss of self. You might find yourself wondering, “Who am I now?” between feedings, nap schedules, work demands, and emotional labor. You’re not alone and this experience has a name: many women refer to it as loss of self in motherhood.
If you’re searching for answers in Northern Colorado or thinking, “I don’t even recognize myself anymore,” you’re not imagining it. This phenomenon is real, research-supported, and something many moms silently struggle with and therapy can help.
Let’s explore why this happens, how it affects your emotional wellbeing, and what support looks like including practical ways therapy helps you recover your sense of identity and reclaim joy in your roles as both mother and woman.
Why So Many Moms Lose Themselves After Having a Baby
Motherhood changes your priorities, but it can also shift your self-image, daily rhythms, relationships, and internal narrative.
Some common experiences include:
Feeling like your needs always come last
Loss of hobbies, interests, or friendships
Decreased confidence or self-esteem
Overwhelm, anxiety, or low mood
Guilt for wanting time for yourself
These reactions are not signs of weakness.They can be normal responses to massive life change.
Identity Shifts After Parenthood Are Normal, But Hard
Research shows that during the postpartum period and early parenting stages, many women report changes in identity and self-concept (Mercer, 2004). These changes occur as you balance new responsibilities while trying to maintain a sense of self that existed before motherhood.
For many moms, this shift can feel like losing a part of themselves rather than growing into a new version of self.
Why Losing Yourself Is Painful (and Not Just “Hormones”)
Hormonal changes play a role after childbirth especially in the first year, but emotional identity changes go beyond biology.
The psychological concept of “loss of self” is commonly discussed in maternal mental health research. Mothers often prioritize caregiving so intensely that their personal interests, goals, and emotional needs get put aside. While caregiving is a core part of motherhood, losing access to your inner world (“Who am I outside of being a mom?”) can lead to feelings of worthlessness, sadness, or disconnection.
Studies also link loss of self to increased risk for postpartum depression and anxiety (Leigh & Milgrom, 2008). When personal identity collapses into the role of “mom” alone, emotional resilience can erode.
How This Impacts Mental Health
Identity loss in motherhood isn’t just an emotional experience; it’s linked to measurable psychological distress.
1. Depression and Anxiety
Postpartum mood disorders like depression and anxiety can be triggered by identity shifts, unmet expectations, sleep deprivation, and insufficient support (Wisner et al., 2013).
2. Decreased Self-Esteem
As women lose touch with their interests and strengths, self-esteem can decline. When you can’t remember the last time you felt yourself, confidence naturally shrinks.
3. Relationship Strain
Marriage, co-parenting, and friendships often change after having kids. When your emotional tank is empty, relational tensions can escalate.
4. Loss of Joy and Purpose
Hobbies that once sparked joy may feel distant or impossible. Life begins to feel just about survival, rather than fulfillment.
These reactions are common and understandable. They are signs that your nervous system, psychology, and sense of self are overwhelmed and in need of care.
Therapy: A Place to Reclaim Your Identity
So, how does therapy help when you feel like you’ve lost yourself?
Therapy helps by addressing both the emotional experience and the underlying belief systems that keep you stuck.
Here’s how:
1. Naming What You’re Feeling
When you begin to articulate what it feels like to lose yourself, a therapist helps you find the language for experiences that feel shapeless and overwhelming. Research supports that putting emotions into words reduces psychological distress and increases self-understanding (Kross & Grossmann, 2012).
You start to notice:
What parts of yourself you miss
What values feel important
What narratives about motherhood have taken hold
This awareness is foundational to recovery.
2. Reconnecting With Your Identity Outside Motherhood
A therapist helps you gently explore:
What you loved before motherhood
What parts of that can be integrated into your current life
What new values motherhood has brought that feel authentic
This work restores a sense of self-continuity — the bridge between who you were before and who you are becoming.
3. Regulating Emotions and the Nervous System
Motherhood doesn’t only demand new roles; it demands emotional regulation in the face of perpetual stress. Therapies such as somatic work, mindfulness, and grounding help retrain your nervous system toward safety and adaptability.
Research shows that therapy helps improve emotional regulation and resilience (Berking et al., 2008), which supports overall wellbeing and identity coherence.
4. Processing Postpartum Identity Loss and Shame
Many women feel shame that they no longer “recognize” themselves. Shame is isolating and heavy, and therapy specifically targets shame by helping you:
Notice self-criticism
Build self-compassion
Replace judgment with curiosity
Create narratives rooted in truth, not self-blame
This is especially important because shame has been linked to negative mental health outcomes, while self-compassion predicts resilience and growth (Neff, 2003).
5. Building a Sustainable Future
Therapy isn’t just about treatment — it’s about transition.
A trained therapist helps you build forward-looking strategies:
priority setting
stress management
boundary setting
meaningful goals
support systems
These strategies strengthen your sense of self and foster sustainable wellbeing.
Real Stories, Real Transformation
You’re not alone in feeling like you’ve lost yourself after becoming a mom. Many women report that therapy helped them:
rediscover personal interests
clarify values beyond parenting roles
strengthen emotional regulation
rebuild confidence and self-trust
restore meaningful connection to self and others
This work is compassionate, evidence-based, and designed to help you feel more like yourself.
Ready to Reach Out?
If you’re in Northern Colorado and ready to explore how therapy can help you reclaim your sense of self, you can connect with us at The Bloomhouse Women’s Counseling Collective. We offer both in-office sessions in Fort Collins and secure online therapy for women across Colorado and beyond.
About the Author
Kelly Sinning, MA, LPC, is a therapist with The Bloomhouse Women’s Counseling Collective in Fort Collins, Colorado. She is passionate about supporting women through life transitions, motherhood, infertility, post-partum, and identity shifts. Kelly’s approach is compassionate, collaborative, and grounded in helping clients feel truly seen and supported as they work toward emotional healing and meaningful change. She provides therapy to clients in Colorado and is dedicated to creating a safe, affirming space for women across the lifespan.